Energy Ministers Chat10 Apr 2023 20:25
Rees-Mogg: My dear Ryan, it is a pleasure to meet you. If I am correctly informed you are concerned about energy security for Ireland, are you not?
Ryan: Thank you for your kind consideration, Sur. O Ouai, these Russian ships off our South West are up to no good and we’re doin’ our level best to track them. Our frigate and two helicopters can’t keep up with them, Ahm sorry to say.
Rees-Mogg: Indeed but do rest assured that the Moffat Interconnector and its security receive our very best attention at all times. There can be no guarantees, of course, but interference with same would be very difficult for any enemy of the UK. We cannot disclose details of measures, recently reviewed in view of Nordstream, as you will understand.
Ryan: That is just what I wanted to discuss with you, if you don’t mind, Sur. If the woorst happens can you supply us buoy ship – I, ah mean we, have decoided to build a terminal for docking these ships -our next security review is sure to give the go-ahead very shortly –
Rees-Mogg: You are aware, are you not, Sir, that our North Sea gas is but a mere 30% of its volume as recorded in the year 2000? And you talk of guarantees? Can you offer a quid pro quo for such a guarantee?
Ryan: Ah beg your pardon, Sur? – ah ouai, we would be prepaered to offer a few quid over the odds for guoranteed uninterrupted supploy buoy ship –
Rees-Mogg: No, no my dear fellow! I was trying to be diplomatic but I see I must be plain with you. Could you in exchange supply us with your excellent-quality Barryroe oil that is so good it’s a shame to burn? I understand you have little use for it in Ireland as your country is soon to revert to the velocipede, for which you yourself are already setting a notable example in leafy suburban Dublin. I must confess I prefer my Bentley but that’s by the by.
Ryan: Now you’ve put me on the spot, Sur. I’ll need to consult my party first but if that oil is as clean and good as you say you moight just have a bargain now, so you moight.
Rees-Mogg: I would be mightily obliged to you, Sir. We are currently scraping the bottom of the barrel in our North Sea, you know.
Ryan: Leave it to me, Sur. Never let it be said ol’ Oireland ignored a friend in need!