Tragedy (averted)12 Oct 2020 18:59
Early this morning Miss Wemyss threw herself into the canal, having weighted down her many skirts with harmonium catalogues from the finest manufacturers of same. A note was left on the towpath with the single word 'Ruined'. The first villager on the scene was the Rev Grimm, who at first rubbed his hands together with relish at the prospect of saving another Ruined Woman. But tragedy was averted by the heroism of Mr Patel who, unknown to any of us, turns out to have been Lahore Diving Champion 1834. Speaking of Champions, Miss Patel's humours have been restored by our very own equine version, who gave the good lady a kind of horsey nod and wink, with the implication, "I'll see ya alright, missus". Champion, as we now all realise from events of the last few days, is a Good Mate of the BOD of the Tyndrum Canal Company.
All is well in South Worcestershire.