SUNDAY SERMON - THE RETURN21 Jun 2026 08:08
REVD OLDSHAREDOG’S SUNDAY SERMON
Theme: The Return of the Baking Chain
Delivered from the shores of Kefalos - where white people are turning red - will they never learn !!
My dear SCGL brethren, gather ye round, for today we celebrate a miracle so profound it makes the Feeding of the 5000 look like a Tesco Meal Deal. Yes indeed — the Baking Chain has returned.
For months we wandered the wilderness, forced to survive on supermarket pastries that crumbled like Capt. Crober’s excuses for missing deadlines. We endured sausage rolls so dry even Lemonhead couldn’t dunk them into enough gravy to resurrect them. And lo, the people cried out: “Where is the Chain? Where is the flake that flaketh properly?”
But behold — on the third month (or whenever they finally sorted the staffing rota), the Baking Chain rose again. And who was first to witness this holy re‑opening?
None other than Colenal, who marched forth at 7:01am, declaring, “I shall sample the first pasty, for quality control.”
Callit followed behind, muttering, “Aye, and I’ll check the sausage rolls, for scientific purposes.”
Redhammy arrived late, claiming traffic, though we all know he was ironing his best bakery‑visiting shirt.
And Capt. Crober? He turned up with a loyalty card so worn it looked like a Dead Sea Scroll.
And as the doors opened, a great light shone (possibly just the fridge bulbs), and the aroma of fresh bakes filled the land. The people rejoiced. Even MSUK cracked a smile, though only briefly, as is tradition.
Let this be a lesson to us all:
When life goes stale…
When hope collapses like a poorly‑proved loaf…
When the world feels under‑baked…
The Baking Chain shall return.
And with it, flaky pastry salvation.
Go forth, my children.
Buy the pasty.
Break the sausage roll.
Share the glory.
Amen and pass the custard slice.
DOG BLESS YOU ALL
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