RE: Activity13 Aug 2021 18:54
Salubrious greetings, Mr Rocket. Indeed, it is true that Miss Wemyss departed these shores some months since, to accompany the Reverend and Mrs Grimm on a mission to Mars (with the aid of some parvenu, and not necessarily Christian, by name of Branson), in the hope of converting the natives to the True Way, a most worthy cause which hast, sadly, had but limited success. The while, the good lady hast sought to avail herself of some opportunity to revive her fortunes, whilst her shareholding in the canal company hast been diminished in value greatly. This noble enterprise hast suffered, it would seem, under the past direction of those of The Quality, who inexplicably obtained barges for its operation which were too wide for the locks. My own dear father, Mr Keeper, would have been able to warn them of this most fundamental debacle. It would seem now, though, that some personage hast been returned, on licence, from transportation to the colonies, to , as they will say in the 21st century (see below), "sort out this mess". And the canal company hast, the more, been much reduced in its trade and receipts by the lack of suitably-qualified bargees from the Russian and Austro-Hungarian Empires. In these unfortunate circumstances Miss Wemyss hast perforce to abandon her dreams of obtaining a fine new harmonium from the leading London purveyors of same, and hast instead obtained an inferior "flatback" version from Indo-China through the offices of a northern gentleman known as "Mr Ee Bay Gum". This somewhat upset Mr Patel though, as Miss Wemyss declared, whilst Mr Patel's excellent emporium can be relied upon to provide us with our every need, from Gentleman's Relish to ladies' corsets, it could not have been expected to have the odd harmonium "out the back". Times hath been hard for poor Mr Patel in recent months. It was only the intercession of Sir Jasper with his friend, Lord Palmerston, that allowed his enterprise to be classed as "essential", greatly to the relief of the ladies of the village who were in need of new corsets. To return to matters of greater import, we villagers continue to take the greatest interest in the fortunes of the canal company and, gathered together in the Dog & Duck, eagerly await the arrival of Sir Jasper's footman each morn, bringing news from the London Times. Miss Wemyss' and the Grimms' regrettable failure to make headway with the Martians sustains us all in our desire to return to the "comfort zone" of the canal company. This patois from the 21st century (see above) has been communicated to us from Lady Hermione, whose residence in the asylum hast enabled her to "see into the future". This ability hast, however, given her the unwanted familiarity of the Attendants, with their constant demands of "Go on then, luv, give us the numbers for the Lottery".
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