And I-ee-aye…will always…love you-ooh1 Sep 2025 08:54
Guys, guys I’m literally shaking as I type this, no not because my Avacta holding has risen 20% in value this past month (still balls deep with an average £1.52), I’m shaking because I’ve just clicked ‘accept’ to an online divorce petition from my now former lovely lady wife. It’s over guys. She’s…she’s found someone else.
But Indy, how can she do this to you; you who forgave her infidelities with Grandad Billy; you who embraced her ADHD and sweating disorder; you who accepted her gender transitions from her to him and back to her; you who stood by him/her when she/him was arrested on ‘Antique’s Road Show Live’ and banged up in HMP Leeds?
I know, I know, this will be upsetting for many of you who’ve followed the lows and rock bottoms of my marriage with no keen interest whatsoever and it’s been a messy online divorce too with sweet chilli sauce and f ag ash clogging my laptop keys. But we parted on good terms and although I’m not the biological father to any of them we put the interests of the kids first. I’ve got custody of all 8 - she’s got the 84-inch TV, the air fryers, the air rifles, the American fridge-freezer, the Pitbulls, the bed, most of the furniture, the artificial grass, basically everything you need to set up home with a new love.
And sure, I wish her and Kwame well, but I’m not going to lie– I was in a really dark place until I agreed to a pre-payment meter and they reconnected the supply. And even more glimmers of light: having listened to Whitney on a loop for weeks on end I was finally diagnosed with depression which doubled my PIP and means I’ll never have to pretend to look for work again.
My Bet365 Personal Consultant, Ryan, said it was time to move on; he suggested Tinder, and after weeks of trying I finally got a match - Katie, a medically retired Nail Technician from Batley. For our first date she suggested an all-you-can-eat brunch at Wok This Way. It was bliss guys, until about 3 hours in when we were politely asked to leave by Management.
An hour later and we were impolitely asked to leave by Management.
Whipping some cheeky chicken wings from under her Leeds Rhinos vest, Katie said she’d never felt so insulted. Which put me in mind of my lovely lady wife – sorry, ex-wife - who as you know often took insult in restaurants. And it was strange being with a woman who didn’t retaliate with a large fist or broken pint glass, or a can of petrol under cover of night. A guy could get used to this I thought.
But enough of me! Like you I'm thrilled with Avacta’s latest RNS although I don't understand a word of them. All I do know is it takes us one step closer to that elusive ‘game changer’ Myles has been predicting since puberty.
It’s finally coming home guys!! I can feel it!! So pump out them big manly chests out ye mighty Avactarians and hold them golden tickets tight because this rocket is FINALLY leaving the station!!
Sing it!!
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