RE: Get your calculators ready!15 Jan 2026 18:36
Summing Up of Roger vs. Oldsharedog
Members of the jury — though why we bother with a jury in a case this lopsided is beyond me — we reconvene to examine the tragic spectacle of Roger’s Posts, a collection of remarks so petulant, so chronically under‑thought, that one wonders whether Roger types with his elbows.
You have heard the evidence. You have endured it. And I commend your bravery.
Let us review the highlights of Roger’s literary tantrums:
• In his first outburst, Roger informed Oldsharedog that his analysis “would embarrass a damp sponge.” A curious comparison, given that the sponge, unlike Roger, has been known to absorb information.
• In his second contribution — if one may call it that — Roger declared that Oldsharedog “should refrain from posting until he learns what a fact is.” A bold statement from a man whose own relationship with facts is best described as “estranged.”
• In his third and most operatic insult, Roger suggested that Oldsharedog’s market understanding “could be replaced by a random number generator with no noticeable decline in quality.” One might observe that Roger himself appears to rely on precisely such a device for his own predictions.
Now, Roger insists — with the confidence of a man who has never once been correct — that he is merely “challenging poor analysis.” Yet his challenges display all the intellectual rigour of a toddler kicking a bin.
Oldsharedog, meanwhile, has responded with the serene patience of a man who has long since realised that arguing with Roger is like debating a weather vane: noisy, pointless, and entirely dependent on which way the wind of his mood is blowing.
Your task, members of the jury, is to determine whether Roger’s posts constitute:
1. A spirited debate,
2. A sustained barrage of petty, ill‑aimed insults, or
3. The tragic cries of a man who has lost an argument so thoroughly he now attacks punctuation out of spite.
I, of course, would never influence your decision — except to say that Option 2 is so overwhelmingly correct that choosing anything else would raise serious questions about your fitness for jury service.
You may now retire, though frankly, I’d be astonished if any of you need more than the time it takes to stand up.
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