RE: Rns7 Mar 2026 21:26
We will be out very early tomorrow morning to catch marlin spotted off Kalymnos - so here’s it is.
🕯️ Revd OldSharedogs’ Sunday Sermon to the SCGL Congregation 🕯️
(As delivered from the pulpit of St. Long‑Term Holders, with appropriate sighing and the occasional shaking of the head)
Brethren, sisters, and those who only turned up last week because the share price twitched by 1/50th of a penny…
We gather today not merely in hope, but in remembrance—remembrance of the dark days, the long nights, and the endless RNSes that promised “transformational progress” yet transformed nothing except our hairlines.
Let us bow our heads for a moment of silence for the portfolios we once had.
📉 On the New Arrivals
Ah yes, the newcomers.
The bright‑eyed, bushy‑tailed posters who stride into the forum declaring:
“Looks undervalued to me!”
“Surely it can’t go any lower!”
“This is the bottom!”
My children…
We said those words in 2019.
And 2020.
And 2021.
And—well, you get the idea.
You speak of “patience” as though you invented it.
We have held through more dips than a supermarket salsa aisle.
🎖️ On the Veterans
And so we turn to the elders of the congregation—those who have endured the Great Collapse, the Lesser Collapse, and the Collapse That Wasn’t Technically a Collapse But Felt Like One.
Standing proudly among them is Colonel, our very own Captain Mainwaring of the SCGL Home Guard.
There he is, polishing his spreadsheets, barking orders like:
“Don’t panic! Well… not yet.”
He leads us with the confidence of a man who has absolutely no idea what’s going on but refuses to admit it.
And somewhere out there—far beyond the horizon, drifting on the tides of AIM—
is Capt Crober, lost at sea.
Some say he’s searching for the mythical RNS of Substance.
Others say he’s simply trying to find a broker who’ll still answer his emails.
Wherever he is, may the winds guide him, and may his stop‑loss finally trigger.
The guiding chartist MSUK - still trying to light a candle and not realising that it’s actually a fake one from a pound shop.
📜 The Lesson of the Day
Let this be a message to all:
To the newbies: welcome, but please wipe your optimism at the door.
To the veterans: your suffering is noted, your sarcasm is sacred, and your average is… well, let’s not talk about your average.
To Colonel: keep the platoon steady.
To Capt Crober: if you can hear us, send a flare. Or at least a post.
And remember:
Blessed are the bagholders,
for they shall inherit the next placing.
DOG BLESS YOU ALL
Amen.
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