RE: RE: Emailed back..15 Mar 2026 07:52
✝️ THE SUNDAY SERMON OF THE TRAVELLING REGGIET
As delivered to the Sacred Congregation of SCGL, Third Week of the Lenten RNS Sell‑Off
🕊️ Opening Blessings
Brethren, sisters, lurkers, and those who only log in to check whether MSUK has finally posted something bullish…
We gather to reflect upon the Pilgrimage of ReggieT, a man whose travels are so uninteresting, so spiritually insignificant, that they are — by divine decree — confined entirely to the Monopoly board.
Let us bow our heads, unless you’re on mobile, in which case just pretend.
🚶♂️ The Journey Begins: GO
ReggieT, patron saint of Over‑Complicated Itineraries, set forth from GO, clutching his £200 travel stipend knowing he’ll need it for bail later.
He strode forth with purpose, muttering the sacred words:
A lie, as all SCGL members know.
🥧 Greegs: The First Temptation
His first stop was the holy site of Greggs, a square added to the board after the original bakery collapsed under the weight of sausage‑roll‑related miracles.
But alas — the shop was barren.
For Colenal, Keeper of the Pastries and Devourer of Profits, had once again “sampled” the entire inventory.
The congregation cried out:
“Colenal, why hast thou eaten the margins?”
And Colenal replied:
“Quality control.”
A phrase he has used 4,000 times and counting.
⚓ Port Eevo: The Harbour of Eternal Delay
ReggieT pressed on to Port Eevo, where the mighty vessel of Crober lay moored.
Crober, Captain of the Perpetually Dry‑Docked, waved from the deck, shouting:
“We set sail soon!”
A phrase he has used 4,000 times and counting.
ReggieT asked if he might board.
Crober replied:
“Aye, but only after the next RNS.”
ReggieT is still waiting.
🌑 Chart Street: The Valley of Shadows
Next, our pilgrim wandered into Chart Street, a dimly lit alley where the candles flicker, the RSI trembles, and the MACD whispers ominous things.
Here lurks MSUK, cloaked in shadows like a technical‑analysis Batman.
He emerges only to deliver cryptic prophecies such as:
“The trend is your friend… until it isn’t.”
And then vanishes again, leaving only a faint smell of spreadsheets.
ReggieT, confused but spiritually enriched, moved on.
🏰 The Final Revelation: Free Parking
After many trials, ReggieT arrived at Free Parking, where nothing happens, nothing is earned, and nothing is lost — the perfect metaphor for 90% of SCGL portfolio performance.
He sat, weary, and reflected upon his journey.
And lo, a voice boomed from the heavens:
“Roll again.”
For such is the fate of all SCGL travellers.
🙏 Closing Prayer
- May Colenal one day leave a single steak bake uneaten.
- May Crober’s ship finally leave Port Eevo before the next halving.
- May MSUK step out of the shadows long enough to confirm whether the chart is bullish or just messing with us.
- And may ReggieT’s travels continue, square by square, forever circling the board like a saint with a railcard.
Go forth, congregation, and may your next roll be doubles.
DOG B