Parody RNS.. perhaps reality soon? 🔥🚀1 May 2025 18:00
HELIUM ONE GLOBAL LTD
RNS – “Just a Casual World-Changer 🚀”
XX May 2025
Helium One Global (AIM: HE1), soon to be renamed Helium Number One For Real Ltd 🚀, is delighted to confirm what most shareholders have been manifesting in their dreams for months: the Tanzanian government has not only gazetted the Mining Licence, but also declared a new national holiday in honour of the Itumbula discovery.
Highlights:
• Mining Licence gazetted, laminated, framed, and delivered via gold-plated drone 🚀
• Immediate go-ahead for full commercial production, with helium literally escaping from the ground waving a Tanzanian flag 🚀
• Strategic partners include NASA, SpaceX, and your nan’s friend Margaret from bingo night who “knew this would happen” 🚀
• Offtake agreement signed with entire global medical sector, party balloon industry, and Mars colonisation project 🚀
• SP temporarily suspended due to sheer velocity of upward movement breaking the AIM server 🚀
• CEO Lorna Blaisse spotted doing laps around Parliament with a Tanzanian flag and a bottle of Champagne 🚀
Lorna Blaisse, CEO, commented:
“We always said the resource was world-class — we just didn’t realise it was intergalactic. 🚀 We thank the government for their speed, support, and surprisingly on-point playlist at the licence signing ceremony. With this milestone behind us, we now begin the difficult task of choosing between which billionaire wants first dibs.”
Further updates will be provided when the share price calms down or AIM staff return from smelling salts.
Enquiries
Helium One Global Ltd Parody
FantasyInvestorRelations@he1moonshot.com