RE: QBT's prospectus, March 200023 Nov 2025 09:50
🐕 Revd Oldsharedog’s Sunday Sermon
The Church of Dual Delivery – Ark Edition
Sunday 23rd November 2025, 12:00 noon. sharp (Orthodox Greek Time)
✝️ Opening Call to Worship
“Brethren, as Noah built his ark to weather the flood, so we build our portfolios to survive the storms of AIM. And just as Noah refused entry to the beasts of chaos, so too must we bar the trolls and naysayers from boarding our vessel of faith.”
🎶 Hymns of the Faithful
• Row, Row, Row Your Shares (Gently Down the Stream)
• Amazing Gains (Two by Two)
• The Ark of Patience Shall Sail
📖 Scripture Reading
From The Book of Flooded Forums, Chapter 40 Days and 40 Placings:
“And Noah said unto the trolls, ‘Thou shalt not enter, for thy negativity stinketh worse than wet socks. Go find thy own dinghy of despair.’”
🗣️ Sermon Themes
• The Ark of Speculation: Built not of gopher wood, but of spreadsheets, whisky, and blind optimism.
• Two by Two: Investors entered — one with patience, one with panic; one with charts, one with crayons.
• The Trolls at the Gate: They shouted, “It will sink!” but the faithful replied, “Dog bless, we sail on.”
• The Rainbow of RNS: At the end of the storm, a headline shall appear, brighter than any placing discount.
🐕 Special Lesson – Refusing Entry
Brethren, let it be known:
• Rampers may board, provided they bring biscuits.
• Holders may board, provided they bring calculators.
• Trolls and naysayers shall remain outside, gnashing their teeth and posting at midnight.
For the ark is a sanctuary of humour and hope, not a swamp of bitterness.
📢 Community Announcements
• Candlelight vigil for wandering tickers still waiting for their ark to dock.
• Prep Day Confessions: Admit how many times you’ve checked the weather forecast for RNS floods.
• Ethical Reminder: Let civility be the plank that holds our ark together.
🙌 Closing Benediction
“Go forth, ye holders of faith, and let not trolls cloud thy trades. May your ark be sturdy, your charts be righteous, and your portfolios ever ascending.
DOG BLESS YOU ALL