RE: Red Or Black30 Nov 2025 08:31
📜 the sunday sermon of revd oldsharedog :
this weeks venue - the church of the confused and bemused - not listed on any chart.
with tim’s bafta speech, the last supper, and the cloaked traitor
🎭 the gathering at the last supper
the disciples assembled at immupharma hq, bread stale, wine watered, rns scrolls scattered like confetti. tim sat at the head of the table, polishing his bafta for worst rns release.
🎤 tim’s bafta acceptance speech
tim rose, cleared his throat, and declared to the faithful:
“i’d like to thank confusion, obfuscation, and the legal department for making this possible. without their tireless efforts, clarity would have ruined everything. this award is dedicated to every shareholder who has ever wondered, ‘what on earth does this rns even mean?’”
the disciples applauded politely, then immediately shorted the stock.
🐑 the disciples
• otm: whispered, “the breakout is imminent,” while holding his chart upside down.
• lordfolly: scribbled wisdom on napkins, only to realise they were last year’s agm minutes.
• juxta: tried to reconcile the accounts, but excel turned water into losses.
• msuk: arrived late, guided by the wrong chart, triumphantly announcing he’d found the venue — a greggs.
• halfbutt: sat firmly on the fence, distributing splinters equally.
• popeye: handed out sausage rolls, declaring, “man cannot live on rns alone.”
• gg: whispered prayers for job retention, hoping hr would not notice her forum tab open.
🕵️ the cloaked traitor
among them lurked a cloaked figure, face hidden, clutching a forged chart. he hissed:
“verily, i shall betray thee with a false breakout. for thirty pieces of dilution, i will sell thee out.”
the disciples gasped. tim dropped his bafta. msuk checked his satnav again. gg clutched her payslip.
the betrayal
the cloaked traitor slipped away into the night, leaving behind misleading candlesticks and a half-eaten sausage roll. the share price fell before the **** crowed thrice.
🙏 the moral
revd oldsharedog intoned:
“blessed are those who laugh at the folly, for humour is the only hedge against despair. beware the cloaked traitor, for he lurks in every forum, whispering false breakouts and promising riches.”
🎶 closing hymn
“immupharma, immupharma, betrayed by charts and spin,
deliver us from dilution, and let the faithful grin.”
go forth and hold the line, let not the rising tides destabilise the deals.
dog bless you all - please feel free to eat all the advent calendar on monday morning, but make sure you have one with 365 windows for 2026.
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