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What do donkeys get for their dinner at Blackpool...........half an hour :-)
One of Septic Lils mates , Surrender Brenda
Was on the home computer with her husband trying to set a new password in ,
The husband puts ‘ my***** ‘ as the password ,
Brenda then rolls round in laughter as the computer flashes up with Error ‘ Not long enough ‘ !
Ha Ha
Rums all Round
Don't know about you but I can't stand Russian dolls, they're just so full of themselves.
Haha, some excellent jokes. Nice to see a reduction in petty arguments. Best of luck everyone
Young boy pops his head over the garden gate while the owner of the house is trimming the hedge. " Bob a job mister you need anything doing?" asks to young oik. The owner comes out of the house with a pot of paint and a brush and says " Nip round the back and give the porch a lick of paint. Three quarters of an hour later the lad returns holding out his hand for his reward and says " Finished it mr, by the way it's not a porch it's a Mercedes.
A man is walking through a graveyard early one morning and spots someone crouched behind a headstone.
"Morning" he shouts.
The other guy replies "No, just having a s**t"
dont give up your day job?
man is driving around the backwoods and he sees a sign in front of an old, shanty style house that says - “Talking dog for sale.”
He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.
"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.
"I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap??"
"Because the dog's a damn liar. He never did any of that.
Why are there so many female archaeologists?
Because women love digging up the phucking past!
Bloke walks into the butchers and asks have you got a sheep's head, butcher says no it's the way I've done my hair.
I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough."
Can't be far from the mother of all spikes.
GLA
I’ll have another go .....
I was gonna throw the kitchen sink in here but I can’t because I’m chained to it!! Boom boom ..... there’s one I thought of myself.
Best Marriage JokesGreat JokesSexy Jokes
BEST “FOOT IN MOUTH” JOKE EVER! ENJOY!
written by The InternetMarch 28, 2018
A little boy walks into his parents’ room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.The son sees his mom and asks, “What were you and Dad doing?”The mother replies, “Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it.”“You’re wasting your time,” said the boy.“Why is that?” asked his mom, puzzled.“Well, when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up.”
A long term out of work accountant got a job interview. He reckoned he was doing well. The accountancy partner said one last question. What is 3 times 7. The accountant immediately replied 23. When home his wife asked him how he got on and he told her great and said he got the 3 x7 correct too. His wife said wrong. It is 21. He was depressed. A few days later to his surprise he got call from the accountancy partner to say he had the job. He said but i got 3 x7 wrong.
Don't worry you were the closest was the reply.
Hahahaha ... I just looked at your posts and saw that, I was out at that point and didn’t see that one. I was trying to find a more appropriate joke for a woman and that’s what I found. Thought it was quite appropriate :-)
Montana
I posted this hours ago!
A plane is about to crash and a woman passenger stands up and takes all her clothes off and says “is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman for one last time?” a man stands up and takes off his shirt and says “can you iron this?”.
There you go, is that more acceptable!
. How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
Doesn't feel imminent to me neither and checking for RNS's has become passive for me now.
Feel something has to give at some point in March however, highly doubt there will be radio silence from the board as we going into full blown spring.
I'd kinda like to know what's happening with the non-binding bids.
Just had a parcel from Holland, when I opened it it was a rubber fanny, that's nice I thought, two lips from Amsterdam
Oddly, I'm not feeling it being close at all. For me, the FSP has become like my own death - I know it's coming at some time, but I have no indication when, nor would I trust that indication give the very close shaves I've experienced in life. There have been so many false dawns on this, that I guess I'm numb. It'll surprise me when it happens and of course it will be glorious, but it is just not a tangible event for me. I'll just sit here, day in day out, hoping the share price will creep over 31p so I'm not under water, then this will free up my focus and subconscious stress in life. Going over 31p and holding - that, for me, is the tangible happy day. After that, I'll just kick back, relax, forget about it and hold until we sell, whenever that will be.
So close you can smell it.
That’s because no one’s interested in this bunch of salty sea dog rabble !
Only the fine ladies .
Thanks Tilly also. Just so strange that out of all the jokes today only mine got pulled up because I’m a woman.