RE: 🚀30 Sep 2025 14:49
📣 PRESS RELEASE — FOR IMMEDIATE DISBELIEF
SEALAND CAPITAL GALAXY (SCGL): HALF-YEAR RESULTS DEFY GRAVITY, LOGIC, AND BASIC ACCOUNTING PRINCIPLES
London, 30 September 2025 — Sealand Capital Galaxy Limited (LSE: SCGL), the tech-savvy, cash-light, optimism-heavy entity listed on the Transition Category (because “Suspended” was taken), is thrilled to announce its unaudited half-year results for the six months ended 30 June 2025. And what a half it was.
🧪 Strategic Alchemy & Executive Gymnastics
Following a daring escape by former executive Nelson Law (last seen sprinting toward the Cayman Islands), the Company welcomed Dr Thomas Sawyer as CEO—a man whose name alone evokes adventure, mischief, and questionable river navigation. Executive Chairwoman Elena Law remains at the helm, steering the ship through fog, debt, and the occasional hallucination of profitability.
💸 Financing: Now with Extra Zeros and Optional Reality
In a move described by analysts as “bold” and by shareholders as “wait, what?”, SCGL issued a £400,000 convertible loan note with attached warrants, followed by a £166,500 placing of 111 million shares. That’s right—111 million. Enough to wallpaper the moon in share certificates and still have leftovers for a shareholder dartboard.
🌏 Business Model: Something Something APAC, AI, and E-Commerce
SCGL continues to “identify businesses” (translation: scroll LinkedIn) that are “looking to scale” (translation: desperate) in the tech, IT, and social media space. The Company remains committed to “sustainable long-term growth,” which in this context means surviving until Christmas.
📉 Market Conditions: Hong Kong Edition
Despite Hong Kong’s economic backdrop of rising unemployment, falling GDP, and retail sector despair, SCGL remains upbeat. “We see opportunity in adversity,” said Dr Sawyer, while juggling flaming spreadsheets and a copy of The Art of War.
🧙♂️ Outlook: Magical Thinking, With Warrants
The Board is “confident” in its strategy, which includes further dilution, strategic buzzwords, and possibly a podcast. Shareholders are advised to remain seated, keep arms inside the vehicle, and avoid checking their portfolios until further notice.
ENDS
For further information, please contact: Investor Relations (currently on annual leave)
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