The latest Investing Matters Podcast with Jean Roche, Co-Manager of Schroder UK Mid Cap Investment Trust has just been released. Listen here.
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tuckupp
You forgot to mention the Stoke on Trent sanitary ware manufacturer, apparently they've gone right down the pan.
BREAKING NEWS. Battersea Dogs Home has gone into administration.They've called in The Official Retriever.
Alcoholics Anonymous have called in the Liquidhater.
Dyslexic pimp, bought a whare house.
A Spanish magician has a grand magical show and at the end he says he will disappear after counting to three. He starts to count, “Un, dos…”
Kazaam! He vanished without a tres.
On a recent trip to the United States , Tony Blair, Ex. Prime Minister of the UK and now U.N. Middle East Peace Envoy, addressed a major gathering of Native American Indians.
He spoke for almost two hours on his success in bringing about a lasting peace settlement amongst the warring nations of the Middle East, likening it to the way that the U.S. Government found a suitable agreement with the North American tribes.
At the conclusion of his speech, the crowd presented him with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle.
A very chuffed Tony then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds..
A news reporter later asked one of the Indians how they came to select the new name given to Tony Blair They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of **** that it can no longer fly.
Army Sargent "didn't see you at the camouflage training this morning".
Soldier "thank you sir ".
Tuckupp you couldn't nip over to the GGP board could you, it's all good fun there, lot's of old faces as well.
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
firstmodern,
thanks for the offer, but i only get involved with the boards that i'm invested in, or was in this case, good luck.
I live 220 yards from my work. Does that mean I have been furloughed?
Just been on a 'once in a lifetime holiday '......never again!
Thank's for the laughs over the years anyway, wish you all the luck with any future investments, hope our paths cross again.
Jokes about train tracks, I mean what's the point?
Why are some shops called stationary shops.....aren't they all?
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. I refused. If I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
Just joined 'dad jokes England' on Facebook .
Finding it very entertaining. Goodbye all....cheers tuckupp.
81lucky, thanks, and look after yourself
Oo this board is still available, hello, maybe it's been kept open to keep us off the aal board.
Probably a good idea
I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
'This is the 21st century,' she said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad.'.
I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him!
A Saudi Prince went to Germany to study.
A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying: "Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train."
Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar check saying: "Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too”!
You still here,tuckupp?
I got thrown out of Dad jokes site with this inappropriate joke...what was i thinking?
Why do cavemen drag weman by their hair?
Because if they dragged them by their feet they would fill up with dirt.
A young woman visits her parents and brings her fiancé to meet them. After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man.
The father invites the fiancée to his library for a drink. So what are your plans? The father asks the young man. I am a Torah scholar. He says. A Torah scholar, Hmmm, the father says. Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughterto live in, as she is accustomed to? I will study, the young man said, and God will provide for us.
And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves? asks the father. I will concentrate on my studies, the young man replies, God will provide for us.
And children? asks the father. How will you support children? Don't worry, sir, God will provide, replies the fiancé.
The conversation continues like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insist that God will provide.
Later, the mother asks, How did it go, Honey? The father answers, He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God
Two women discussing their sex life. One asks "what's the worst thing your husband said to you when you were having sex "?
The other replies "honey I'm home ".
Policeman: when did you notice your wife was dead?
Man: well the sex was the same, however, the dishes started to piling up.