The latest Investing Matters Podcast episode featuring Jeremy Skillington, CEO of Poolbeg Pharma has just been released. Listen here.
Two old guys were sitting outside a medical clinic. One of them was crying, tears were pouring down his face.
The other guy asked, "Why are you crying?"
The first one replied, "I came here for blood test."
The second one asked, "So? Why are you crying? Are you afraid?"
The first guy replied, "No. Not that. During the blood test they cut my finger."
Hearing this, the second one started crying.
The first one was astonished and asked the other, "Why are you crying?"
Then the second guy replied, "I have come for a urine test."
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'
'Mrs. Sanders, please.'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'
'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.'
'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.
'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'
So this older guy goes to the doctor asking for a prescription for Viagra. The guy asks for a large dose of the strongest variety. The doctor asks why he needs so much. The guy says that two young nymphomaniacs are spending a week at his place. The doctor fills the prescription.
Later that week, the same guy goes back to the doctor asking for pain killers. The doctor asks, "Why, is your dick in that much pain?"
"No," says the guy, "it's for my wrists - the girls never showed up!"
On their honeymoon, the new husband told his bride, "I have a confession to make that I should have made before, but I was concerned that it might affect our relationship.
"What is it?" his new bride asked lovingly.
"I'm a golf fanatic," he said. "I think about golf constantly. I'll be out on the golf course every weekend, every holiday, and every chance I get.If it comes to a choice between your wishes and golf, golf will always win."
His new bride pondered this for a moment and said, "I thank you for your honesty. Now in the same spirit of honesty, I should tell you that I've concealed something about my own past that you should know about. The truth is, "I'm a hooker."
"No problem," said her husband, "just widen your stance a little, and overlap your grip, and that should clear it right up."
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ?
"No," said the little boy... "It's a puppy!"
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.
The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station,yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.
'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service-station attendant.
'Nothing,' the woman answered. 'I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.'
'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians don't use saddles.
Mrs. Golden was shopping at a produce stand in her neighborhood. She approached the vendor and asked, "How much are these oranges?"
"Two for 50 pence," answered the vendor.
"How much is just one?" she asked.
"30 pence," answered the vendor.
" Mrs. Golden said, I'll take the other one,"
A young woman visits her parents and brings her fiancé to meet them. After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man.
The father invites the fiancée to his library for a drink. So what are your plans? The father asks the young man. I am a Torah scholar. He says. A Torah scholar, Hmmm, the father says. Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughterto live in, as she is accustomed to? I will study, the young man said, and God will provide for us.
And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves? asks the father. I will concentrate on my studies, the young man replies, God will provide for us.
And children? asks the father. How will you support children? Don't worry, sir, God will provide, replies the fiancé.
The conversation continues like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insist that God will provide.
Later, the mother asks, How did it go, Honey? The father answers, He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God
A Saudi Prince went to Germany to study.
A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying: "Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train."
Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar check saying: "Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too”!
I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
'This is the 21st century,' she said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad.'.
I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him!
81lucky, thanks, and look after yourself
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. I refused. If I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
firstmodern,
thanks for the offer, but i only get involved with the boards that i'm invested in, or was in this case, good luck.
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
On a recent trip to the United States , Tony Blair, Ex. Prime Minister of the UK and now U.N. Middle East Peace Envoy, addressed a major gathering of Native American Indians.
He spoke for almost two hours on his success in bringing about a lasting peace settlement amongst the warring nations of the Middle East, likening it to the way that the U.S. Government found a suitable agreement with the North American tribes.
At the conclusion of his speech, the crowd presented him with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle.
A very chuffed Tony then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds..
A news reporter later asked one of the Indians how they came to select the new name given to Tony Blair They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of **** that it can no longer fly.
When you get sick from CORONA VIRUS, you will have fever, a high fever, the highest fever that you have ever had in your life. It is not going to be like the typical flu n fevers. You're going to breathe slowly, like you've had a sponge stuck in your nose. When you'll try to fill the air in your lungs by inhaling heavily you will feel like you are still short of breath. And that will scare you. You are going to cough a lot, so much so that you're going to tire until you almost pass out. Every time you do it, your chest, arms, back, fingers, toes will hurt. You will try to catch air through the nose and you will not be able to. So, they are going to give you oxygen and it is going to burn the entrance to your nose, that is going to hurt even more. And if you can't breathe, another doctor will come and put a couple of half-inch tubes down your throat to get past the bronchi and into the lungs. That is called an artificial respirator. It is really disturbing n annoying, and on top of that, you cannot speak or eat.
You will be alone in a closed room. You will not be able to see your partner, your mother, or your father, or your children that you love so much, or your brothers; because you are going to infect them with the same thing that is killing you.
You will feel so alone that you will start to cry and you will be afraid of dying. You will think of the ones you love and you will cry even more, that will worsen everything hence shortness of breath.
*THIS IS WHEN YOU WILL UNDERSTAND WHY THEY TOLD YOU: "STAY AT HOME"
SO PLEASE STAY HOME FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR LOVED ONES
A Spanish magician has a grand magical show and at the end he says he will disappear after counting to three. He starts to count, “Un, dos…”
Kazaam! He vanished without a tres.
BREAKING NEWS. Battersea Dogs Home has gone into administration.They've called in The Official Retriever.
HOW TO READ BAR CODES... (everyone must know)
ALWAYS READ THE LABELS ON THE FOODS YOU BUY--NO MATTER WHAT THE FRONT OF THE BOX OR PACKAGE SAYS, TURN IT OVER AND READ THE BACK CAREFULLY!
With all the food and pet products now coming from China, it is best to make sure you read label at the supermarket and especially when buying food products. Many products no longer show where they were made, only give where the distributor is located. The whole world is concerned about China-made "black-hearted goods".
Can you differentiate which one is made in Taiwan or China ? The world is also concerned about GMO (Genetically Modified Organism) foods; steroid fed animals (ex: 45 days old broiler chicken).
It is important to read the bar code to track its origin. How to read Bar Codes....interesting !
If the first 3 digits of the bar code are 690, 691 or 692, the product is MADE IN CHINA.
471 is Made in Taiwan .
If the first 3 digits of the bar code are 00-09 then it's made or sourced in USA.
This is our right to know, but the government and related departments never educate the public, therefore we have to RESCUE ourselves. Nowadays, Chinese businessmen know that consumers do not prefer products "MADE IN CHINA", so they don't show from which country it is made. However, you may now refer to the barcode -
Remember if the first 3 digits are:
890......MADE IN INDIA
690, 691, 692 ... then it is MADE IN CHINA
00 - 09 ... USA and CANADA
30 - 37 ... FRANCE
40 - 44 ... GERMANY
471 ........ Taiwan
45 or 49 ........JAPAN
489...........HONG KONG
50 .......... UK
57 .........DENMARK
64..........FINLAND
76.........SWITZERLAND and LIENCHTENSTIEN
471......... is Made in TAIWAN (see sample)
628.........SAUDI ARABIA
629.........UNITED ARAB EMIRATES
740..........745 - CENTRAL AMERICA
All 480 Codes are Made in the PHILIPPINES. Share it!
the daily mirror have been accused of overcharging, the police are looking into it.