RE: Nigerian law23 Aug 2018 15:10
Observe, won't you, as Squirrel1, battered and hungry, sniffs the air and stamps his foot in frustration. 'I'm hungry,' Squirrel1 declares. 'I haven't irritated or frightened anyone in days,' he huffed. 'I need new ways to satisfy my need for discord and bitterness and all the nuts at the Tree of Ignorance aaaand the Tree of Conspiracy are gone. The cupboard is bare!' Squirrel1 was sad. 'Don't be sad, Squirrel1', said Squirrel2 after returning from an exhausting morning of trying hard to be both obsequious and morally bankrupt. 'Why don't you try returning to your favourite tree, where it all started for you?' 'You mean the Tree of Revenge? But surely we consumed her fruit long ago when we were young and impatient to lose any semblance of ethics or intellectual integrity', Squirrel1 lamented. 'No doubt', said Squirrel1, 'but what have you got to lose? Besides everything else, you look like crap mate.' Squirre1 considered what his sad little friend had advised and decided that indeed, he had nothing left to lose and set off to find the Tree of Revenge. Locating it proved far more daunting than he imagined, however. He knew it lay beyond the Forest of Constant Repetition, but when he reached the River of Utterly Meaningless Details, he turned left and had to have his old mentor, Bilious Bear, the great one who taught Squirrel1 avoid the temptation to acknowledge an opposing idea, especially those that effectively refute your own story. 'Never admit the other guy has a point', Bilious would tell him, 'because that's a path to admitting you're wrong, and THAT, my dear boy, can never happen.' Bilious was blind and living alone on benefits now, but Squirrel1 was glad for time to reflect on the good old days when you could just hang a shingle around your neck and walk among the naive natives spitting bile with no repercussions. 'My, how our hearts - and bellies - were full then!', rejoiced Squirrel1 to himself as he arrived at the Tree of Revenge. It was a darker, more barren place than he remembered, but Squirrel1 knew that it was here, at the Tree of Revenge, that his very soul was born, and how can that not fill what's left of one's tiny heart after all?, he reasoned. Squirrel1 got busy scrounging in the dirt - funnily enough, his major field of study at university - looking desperately for sustenance and suddenly, against all the odds, he found what must have been the last nut under the Tree of Revenge. Squirrel1 picked it up and held the precious item to his chest, while something approximating warmth came over him. He couldn't wait and drew the ancient nut to his thin lips, popped it into his twitching mouth and his tiny, razor teeth went to work. The nut went down Squrrel1 easy, like an old friend - Squirrel3 probably - and for a moment, Squirrel1 felt young, vital. Squirrel1 felt like his old self. 'I need to say something objectively false, proven so multiple times, but will annoy anyone around who hears it!' See below