George Frangeskides, Chairman at ALBA, explains why the Pilbara Lithium option ‘was too good to miss’. Watch the video here.
an American, an Englishman and a Scotsman walked into a bar..
the American ordered a jack daniels, the Englishman ordered a pale ale and the Scotsman ordered a whisky.
just then three flies descended and landed one in each of their drinks.
the American called the waiter demanded a replacement drink and threatened to sue.
the Englishman hooked the fly out and threw it away.
the Scotsman grabbed the fly, held it over his glass and said..spit it oot ya bastid,spit it oot
I dont understand all this panic about the cost of lurpak and its quickly becoming the new bog roll and trading on the stock market.
I bought a tub and when i took the lid off there seemed to be an image of jesus..my asian neighbour said..i cant believe its not budda.
The Vicar's Salary
At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.
Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Queensland & NSW, stands up and proclaims:
'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Holden every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!'
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, if the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education for all of his children!'
More sighs and loud applause.
Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Vicar stays, I will give him free sex.'
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her:
'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you to say that?'
Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies:
'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, ‘**** him’'.
A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE ****PIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL
HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."
I put a world map up on the kitchen wall this morning then gave the wife a dart.I said "Here you are love. Throw this dart at the map and wherever it lands I'll take you there for a holiday when this virus thing is all over".We're spending two weeks behind the fridge!!!
The new leader of the Labour Party has just announced the appointment to the shadow cabinet of Diane Abbot as spokesperson on Covid 19. In her first statement she said it is her priority to put an immediate stop to this Car Owner nonsense..
When this is all over the country should have a " BLUE NOSE DAY " and all proceeds shared between the hundreds of thousands of grass root NHS staff who are there for us at this terrible time.
( inspired by Laura Stanford )
Morrisons have now , in their toilets, installed a time lock toilet paper dispenser in each cubicle which issues 2 pieces every ten minute., I had to sit there for 2 hours to get 40 pieces to take home to the wife. Less the 2 that i went in there for originally. Luckily for me i had a copy of the Jerusalem times which has a very good crossword puzzle page,and the fortitude to ignore the constant banging on the door and the " any fukin chance mate " comments, usually followed by.." selfish Bastard ".
B & Q have just announced that in order to meet the increased demand for their embossed white wallpaper they are limiting the number to two roles per person with immediate effect.The chairman , Mr Ben Dover , said in a statement at mid-day that while recognising the dual nature of the product the public should, at this time of natural crisis, be fully aware of the impact this will have on the general public who actually want to do some decorating during the enforced self isolation period, he further went on to warn the 70+ customers to avoid, if possible, the already pasted version of the product as that could lead to a rather sticky situation which may well put a strain on our already overwhelmed NHS..further to the statement from the chairman of B&Q , the head of distribution Mr Ivor Biggun has , in an attempt to calm nerves, assured customers that there is more than enough of the product held in its warehouses across the country to meet the current demand where machines are being installed to cut the rolls down to a more practicable size that will fit in the standard B&Q toilet roll dispenser which can be found in the toiletries section in aisle B 14, he added, there are no plans at the moment to increase the cost of the product for this additional service which our staff have gladly undertaken as their personal contribution to help alleviate the present crisis. Customers should also consider the merits of our range of anaglyptic type wallpaper as an alternative should there be a delay in restocking our shelves.It is ,however, prudent to point out that where possible the wood chip variety should only be used in cases of extreme emergency , while not belittling the natural need to sometimes " have a bloody good scratch " (sic) overuse of this product may have rash consequences and it is advisable to have a pair of eyebrow pluckers and a mirror handy. we are also happy to announce that for the Australian depots our product is to be cut into handy shaped squares that will fit nicely on the nail of the door of the Dunny.
some of you guys amaze me..did you expect a CEO of any company not to talk up his own company ?, you blame him for dry wells, bloody ridiculous, if they had come in you would be saying he was the best thing since sliced bread, you have to put it down to personal greed, we all could have sold around the 90p mark and made a small fortune, my personal average is still 8.47p and im still confident we shall get a good ending to the SOU saga, some form of cash payout and still have a forward moving exploration company to be involved with, then ,of course there is still sidi to be taken into account..just sit tight all will be well. and further for the record i have never once e mailed or harassed any of the BOD, they must be as gutted as we are..for those that attended the numerous freebies you didn't say no to the free drinks and bags of goodies at the door that its turned out the rest of us paid for.