Horse capers…some seriously ‘off-topic’ light relief!

Sunday, 19th April 2009 11:40 - by Didedo

A busy morning one February, we had guests staying. I made numerous attempts to take my morning shower, but you may know how it is…drinks, children, breakfast, conversation, telephone calls....all coming between you and the bathroom! However, this particular morning just as I had made it back upstairs, an additional interruption took place. ‘Knock! Knock!’, then a young voice shouted “Quick Mum, two horses have escaped and they’re running up the road!” I ran downstairs and a fairly unkempt chap was at the front door and he cried “Quick Missus…”, repeating the tale. I was spurred into action and dashed into the boot room, donned wax jacket and wellies and high-tailed it outside. I sped to the gate and in the distance, sure enough, I could see the rear ends of two horses galloping up the hill. I started off in hot pursuit just as the other half pulled up in the 'Landy'. “Quick dearest (euphemism!)…”, repeating the tale yet again. He tore away in an attempt to head them off. As the other half reached the top of the hill I stood partway up, flagging down cars to stop them careering into said gee-gees. A short period of time elapsed...a few cars slowed up…a horse’s head was seen in the distance… a whinny was heard…cars started moving up the hill. The other half came back and shouted “Horses in the lane…cordoned off from the road…need harnesses” and drove off again. Another period of time elapsed and I stood awaiting my next instructions. Now, let me tell you a few extra facts: It is winter and there is a very hard frost. I was on my way to the shower when the ‘emergency’ began and was originally wearing a toweling robe. I am now dressed in a wax jacket and wellies…ONLY. Bored, I decide to walk up the hill and along the verge, to where the horses are. But o-h-h, large wellies and NO socks. As I pick my way along, I trip over a hummock of grass and pitch forward, almost in slow motion, base-over-apex into a very large ‘fossilised’ nettle patch! Do you know what happens to nettle patches in winter? No? Well, I do. Every single tiny ‘stinger’ hardens into a little needle and guess what? Hundreds of them embedded themselves into various parts of my anatomy! I stumbled painfully back down the hill (the other half having driven past me…that’s where a ‘tirade’ occurred) and I arrived back at the homestead some time after the horses. Everyone thought my little ‘trip’ to Nettle Land highly amusing. “Well,” Denbee said, “that must have been a sight for sore eyes.” For me it was just sore, as the needles were very tiny and almost impossible to see but when pressed they felt like mini electric shocks…it took two weeks before they were all out!! It was a somewhat painful experience and puts a whole new meaning to the old saying about beds and lying in them! What has this got to do with the stockmarket? Well, if you thought stocks & shares were bad, take a look at the horse trade…the bottom’s well and truly fallen out! I can hear you groaning…fair enough. P.s. The horses suffered minor cuts and bruises (they went through two wooden gates which resembled matchsticks afterwards). We couldn’t understand what spooked them, but many months later found some arrows from a cross bow, which we can only assume were being used to shoot rabbits.