RE: Top 20 VOD rampers.11 May 2019 10:22
Velo, TL, Jack, Dan, Mikey et al,
I am writing this holed up in the Ecuadorian embassy. Its a long story. I only just made it in the door having used an uber ride that I ordered over a VOD prepay sim and a throw away handset. The embassador wants to know how I will pay for occupancy as the last occupant was dragged from his room and left without paying. I told him not to worry as I am a big VOD investor and the shares are easily worth £3.50. He raised an eye brow and looked to an open door to an adjoining room. Turns out the embassador was on speaker phone with Donald Frump and Pill Hammond discussing trade agreements and tariffs. Frump started shouting he never intended to raise tariffs on China only for market institutions to take a corresponding amount off the VOD SP!! Apparently he expected the upside to go directly to the FED. Pill said it was the first he had heard of it. He said he is laser focussed on the smell of rotting fish from the Brexit fisheries policy and that fish stock piles were no longer frying next to uranium stockpiles because Frump had increased sanctions on Iran and the Iranians were not exporting their surplus stock.
You can imagine, Frump nearly swallowed his own colon with rage and to calm things down I suggested he could tweet 'I am Donald Frump and I think VOD SP should be £3.50' and it would go viral. That could bring more demand for VOD shares from pensioners, widows and orphans and the SP would rise. Frump liked the idea and wrote it down on his to do list. I said dont forget to do it Donald...
Meanwhile, the window to the room was open letting in the sounds of the city and what sounded like a deranged man somewhere in the streets below. Looking out, I smelt the fear hanging over the city beneath dark skies. Down below a man walked backward and forward shouting at the buildings and around his kneck, a placard with the letters LC. A little old lady reached into her purse and gave him a few coppers.
I thought to myself 'how did I ever become a VOD shareholder'. All I ever wanted was a quiet retirement, winter sun holidays, a regular income from stocks and shares...I shook my head and at that moment my attention turned to the sound of a gun being cocked somewhere in the room behind me.....
....to be continued
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