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Share Views - Ferrum Crescent Exec-Chairman Justin Tooth talks on his re-structuring strategy and exciting new projects Watch here

Share Views Episode 13 - Ferrum Crescent Exec-Chairman Justin Tooth talks on his re-structuring strategy and exciting new projects

Member Info for Mr.Leeson

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Member Since: Thu, 2nd Dec 2010

Number of Share Chat Posts (all time): 866
Number of Share Chat Posts (last 30 days): 2

Last Posted: 4 Oct '16

Post Distribution over the last 30 days

4 Oct '16

'Can I have some Irish Sausages, please?' asked the Irishman, walking up to the counter.
The assistant looked at him and asked: 'Are you Irish?'
'If I had asked you for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was
Italian?' demanded the Irishman indignantly.
'Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?'
Then, warming to his theme, he went on, 'Or if I asked you for a kosher
Hot dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?' 'Or, if I asked you for a
Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? Would Ya? Would Ya?'
The assistant said: 'Well, no.'
Suitably encouraged by the success of his logic, the Irishman steps it up a gear. 'And if I asked you for frog's legs, would you ask me if I was French?' 'What about Danish Bacon, wo uld you ask me if I was Danish?
'Well no, I probably wouldn't.' conceded the assistant.
So, now bursting with righteous indignation, the Irishman says, 'Well,
All right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked for
Irish sausages?'
The assistant replied: 'Because you're in B&Q."
3 Oct '16

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?" His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million pounds. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds. Then come back and tell me what you've learned." The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mum, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Robert Redford?" "Don't tell your father, but yes, I would," she replies. He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"

She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!" The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million quid, but in reality, we are living with two ****s."
22 Sep '16

Seriously,your jokes are defiantly better...
20 Sep '16

A man takes a week off work and decides to play a round of golf every day. First thing Monday morning, he sets off and soon finds himself catching up with a stunning woman playing in front of him.

He suggests that they play against each other for the rest of the day and she agrees. The woman proves to be very talented, and wins on the last hole. Afterwards, she accepts the man's offer of a lift home and, on the way, admits she hasn't enjoyed herself so much for a long time. "In fact," she says, "why don't you pull over so I can show you how much I appreciate it." So the man pulls over and, to his delight, the woman performs oral sex on him. They arrange to play golf again the next morning. Once again the woman wins, and she shows her appreciation in the same way on the journey home.

This goes on all week, until Friday, when the man reveals he has booked dinner at a restaurant and a night of passion in a hotel. On the way there, the woman suddenly bursts into tears. "I can't do it," she says, "You see, I'm a transvestite." The man is aghast. He swerves violently off the road, and pulls the car to a screeching halt. "You fecking cheat!" he screams. "You've been playing off the ladies' tees all week."
16 Sep '16

There's an elderly Jewish man with a much younger girlfriend, who he can't satisfy sexually. So, he decides to see his rabbi for advice. The rabbi says, 'Next time you make love, employ a handsome, muscular young man to stand by your bed, vigorously swinging a towel above his head the entire time. That should do the trick.' So the Jewish man hires a really fit male model for the night and then has sex with his girlfriend while the male model stands next to their bed, vigorously swinging a towel above his head. Nothing happens. The model politely suggests that the two men swap places, so that the model has sex with the girl and the Jewish man swings the towel. They swap places and, within two minutes of having sex with the muscular male model, the girl has multiple orgasms. The Jewish man looks at the model and says, 'See??That's how you swing a towel!'"
8 Sep '16

James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "State-of-the-art watch? What is so special about it?" "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically," Bond explains. "So what's it telling you now?" says the woman. "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties," Bond replies. The woman giggles and says, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!" Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast."
19 Aug '16

A woman went to the store, steals a can of peaches and gets caught.

She goes before the judge and the judge asks, "How many peaches were in the can?"

She says, "Nine."

He said, "Were they good?"

She said, "They were delicious!"

The judge said, "I'm going to give you one day in jail for each peach you ate."

All of a sudden her husband raises his hand and the judge says, "Do you have something important to say about this?"

"Yes, she also stole a can of peas."
29 Apr '16

I have lost all my sense of humor...

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