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Michael Masterman talks on WRES potential & Tungsten market


Member Info for Mr.Leeson


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Member Since: Thu, 2nd Dec 2010

Number of Share Chat Posts (all time): 897
Number of Share Chat Posts (last 30 days): 3

Last Posted: Tue 14:00


Post Distribution over the last 30 days




Tue 14:00

A man and his wife are having a baby. The time when the baby is due to arrive finally comes and the husband grabs his video camera and takes his wife to the hospital. When he get there the nurse start to do thier stuff. The man asks the nurses if there is anything he can do to help. The nurse relpies no please wait outside. After five minutes the man asks the same question and gets the same reply. this carrys on untill the baby is born and he asks the question again. This time the nurse replys if you want you can wash the baby. The new dad is thrilled at this suggestion and goes off to wash the baby. After a while the nurse returns to check on the dad. When she arrives she sees him with his finger in the baby nostrils moving the baby around like a boat. The nurse say that is not how you wash a baby. The dad replies: 'It is when the water is too hot!!'
15 Mar '17

It was Paddy and Seamus giving the motorcycle a ride on a brisk autumn day. After a wee bit, Paddy who was sitt'n behind Seamus on the bike began to holler ..."Seamus ... Seamus ... the wind is cutt'n me chest out!" "Well, Paddy my lad," said Seamus, "why don't you take your jacket off and turn it from front to back ... that'll block the wind for you." So Paddy took Seamus' advice and turned his jacket from front to back and got back on the bike and the two of them were off down the road again. After a bit, Seamus turned to talk to Paddy and was horrified to see that Paddy was not there. Seamus immediately turned the bike around and retraced their route. When after a short time he came to a turn and saw a bunch of farmers standing around Paddy who was sitting on the ground. "T'anks be to heaven, is he alright?" Seamus hailed to the farmers. "Well," said one of the farmers, " he was alright when we found him here .. but since we turned his head back to front .. he hasn't said a word since!"
3 Mar '17

A man walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say, "Nice tie."
Looking around, he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender at the end of the bar. A few sips later, the voice said, "Beautiful shirt."
At this, the man called the bartender over. "Hey, I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us."
"It's the peanuts," answered the bartender.
"Say what?" replied the man in disbelief.
"You heard me," said the barkeeper. "It's the peanuts...they're complimentary."
22 Feb '17

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
"What are my choices?" the man asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
14 Feb '17

Leesonitis /ˈles.ənɪtɪz/: An avid,voracious reader of Mr.Leeson's buffoonery.
12 Feb '17

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music.
The i-Tit will cost from £499 to £699, depending on cup and speaker slze.
This is considered a major social breakthrough because for generations women have been complaining about men staring at their tits and not listening
11 Feb '17

Siamese twins walk into a bar in Canada and park themselves on a bar stool.
One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please."
The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, lads?"
"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees.
"Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country... the history, the beer, the culture..."
"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English - they're so arrogant and rude."
"So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender.
"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."
6 Feb '17

Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him his wife's been in a terrible car accident. He rushes to the hospital, runs into the A&E and says his wife's been in an accident. They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the case. They page the doctor. He comes out to the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones.
"Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks. "Yes sir, what's happened? How is my wife?" The doctor sits next to him and says, "Not good news. Your wife's accident resulted in two fractures of her spine."
"Oh my God" says Mr. Jones, "what will be her prognosis?" Dr. Smith says "Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However, her spine is inoperable. She'll have no motor skills or capability. This means you will have to feed her." Mr. Jones begins to sob. "And you'll have to turn her in her bed every two hours to prevent pneumonia."
Mr. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly. "Then, of course," the doctor continued, "you'll have to change her as she'll have no control over her bladder and of course these nappies must be changed at least five times a day." Mr. Jones begins to shake as he cries, sobs, wails.
The doctor continues: "And you'll have to clean up her faeces on a regular basis as she'll have no control over her sphincters. Her bowel will engorge whenever and quite often I'm afraid. Of course you must clean her immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent she'll be emitting regularly."
Now Mr. Jones is convulsing sobbing uncontrollably and beginning to wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful mass. Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand and pats Mr. Jones on the shoulder. "Hey, I'm just messing with you, she's dead."
26 Jan '17

What does the Secret Service say when Donald Trump gets shot at?

Donald Duck
25 Jan '17

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