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Member Info for Mr.Leeson


Premium Member

Member Since: Thu, 2nd Dec 2010

Number of Share Chat Posts (all time): 1,321
Number of Share Chat Posts (last 30 days): 14

Last Posted: Today 06:41


Post Distribution over the last 30 days




Today 06:41


A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you Sir,no charge".
Fri 17:37


‘What from?’ After a short pause. The rabbit said… ‘Mixin-me-toasties.’
Fri 17:35


A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman: ‘Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?’ The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie. The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves. The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves. The next night, the pub is packed. In walks the rabbit and says, ‘A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.’ The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down. The next night there is standing room only in the pub. Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending. The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year. In walks the rabbit and says, ‘A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman’. The barman says, ‘I’m sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties..’. The rabbit looks aghast. The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, ‘We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.’ The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, ‘Are you sure I will like it?’ The masses’ bated breath is ear shatteringly silent. The barman, with a roguish smile says, ‘Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you’ll love it.’ ‘Ok’, says the rabbit, ‘I’ll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.’ The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie. He then waves to the crowd and leaves…. ..NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!! One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time. When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar. The barman says, ‘Who are you?’, to which he is answered, ‘I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.’ The barman says, ‘I remember you. You made me famous. You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.’ The rabbit says, ‘Yes I know.’ The barman said, ‘I remember, on your last night we didn’t have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.’ The rabbit said, ‘Yes, you promised me that I would love it.’ The barman said, ‘You never came back, what happened?’ ‘I DIED’, said the rabbit. ‘NO!’ said the barman. ̵
Mon 07:47


Harry starts his new job at the zoo and he is given three tasks, the first is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. Harry starts on this when suddenly a bloody great fish leaps out and bites him. Harry is not going to let a fish have a go so he beats the offending fish to death. Upon doing so he realises that his boss is not going to be best pleased, so Harry tries to think of a way to hide the dead fish. He hits on the brilliant idea of giving the fish to the lions as lions will eat anything, so Harry feeds the fish to the lions.

Harry then moves on to his second job, which is to clearout the monkey house. Harry gets stuck in and a couple of chimps start throwing ****e at him. Harry is not amused and bashes the chimps with his spade, killing them instantly. Harry is deeply concerned, so what does he do? he feeds the chimps to the lions, because lions eat anything.

Anyway, Harry moves on to his last job, which is to collect honey from some South American bees. Harry starts on this and gets attacked by the bees, as you can guess Harry mashes the swarm of bees. By this point he is not too worried about the death of bees as he knows what to do, you guessed it, feed them to the lions, because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo, it wanders up to another lion and asks, "what's the food like here?"

The other lion responds, "Absolutely brilliant, today I had fish and chimps with mushy bees!"
Sun 08:00


A man walked into the ladies department of a Marks & Spencer.

He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said.

"I'd like to buy a bra for my wife".

"What type of bra?" asked the assistant.

"Type?" inquires the man "There is more than one type?"

"Look around," said the sales lady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size color and material.: "But," she continued , "Even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras."

Confused, the man asked what were the types.

The sales lady replied "The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type the Presbyterian type, and the Jewish type. Which one do you need?"

Still confused the man asked,

"What is the difference between them?"

The sales lady responded "It is all really quite simple.

The Catholic type supports the masses,

the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen,

the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright,

and the Jewish type makes mountains out of mole hills."


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