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Member Info for Mr.Leeson

Premium Member

Member Since: Thu, 2nd Dec 2010

Number of Share Chat Posts (all time): 1,421
Number of Share Chat Posts (last 30 days): 5

Last Posted: Thu 06:34

Post Distribution over the last 30 days

Thu 06:34

She married and had 6 children.

Her husband died.

She soon married again and had 3 more children.

Again, her husband died.

But she remarried and this time had 4 more children.

At last, she finally died.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the Lord above, thanking Him, for this loving woman who fulfilled his commandment to "Go forth and multiply."

In his eulogy, the preacher said, "Lord, they're finally together."

Leaning over to a neighbour , one mourner quietly asked, "Is he referring to her first, second or third husband?"

The neighbour replied, "I think he's referring to her legs."

17 Sep '15

The sky was dark

The moon was high

We were alone

Just she and I

Her hair was brown

Her eyes were too

I knew just what

She wanted to do

So with my courage

I did my best

And placed my hand

Upon her breast

I trembled and shook

And felt her heart

Slowly she spread

Her legs apart

I knew she was ready

But I didn't know how

It was my first try

At milking a cow
16 Sep '15

I have got enough jokes for the next 4 years!
12 Sep '15

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult -- for example, cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased program of changes to iron out these anomalies.

The program would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.

In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy.

Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.

There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it kould be announsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty persent shorter in print.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible.

Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.

We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful. Therfor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend.

By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'.

Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al, half a 'w'.

Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o kould be dropd from words kontaining 'ou'.

Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drems of ze Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.

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